(sometimes) I miss being me.

What a busy month it has been. We have had non-stop house guests for the past month! This last weekend was our final event for the summer and we had my family down here in Columbus for a camping trip out at Uchee Creek. IAMEXHAUSTED. I enjoyed getting to be with my brothers and sister again. For the first time in a long time all 6 of us siblings were reunited, and just as we did growing up we still annoy each other as adults. :) I am learning to embrace my new role as "mom" when we do get-togethers. I had to give up fishing, kayaking, and other fun things I would normally participate in to stay behind and take care of the baby or make sure the kids got their naps. I spent a lot of time in the kitchen cooking, feeding, and cleaning up after our exceptionally large family. Sure everyone pitches in to help, but ultimately I am the "mommy" and especially since it was in our neck of the woods I felt more responsibility to organize, plan, etc. We rented kayaks and I managed to get out there for 15 minutes or so but I just had this nagging feeling about my baby back at the cabin so I stopped back to check on him. Sure enough he was awake from his nap and ready to eat so my husband took my place on the kayak adventure (also leaving my 3 year old behind with me). 2 hours later everyone returned with fun stories and good memories made. I felt left out stuck at the cabin with the kids. I was looking through pictures from the trip and found few with me in it. More than half of them I didn't even remember happening because I was cooking or cleaning up. It was my choice of course because it's just kind of my role now. I know it will be different when my little one's are older. I remind myself that this phase of life is short and fleeting. One day I'll be able to have a full conversation, including eye contact, with another adult without having to chase after 2 young kids. They aren't always going to be so needy, depending on me to meet their every need. It's one thing to be mommy at home but another to be around friends or family who don't understand why you can't engage with them quite like you used to. I really was glad everyone else was having a good time and my kids were happy. Things are just different these days, something to get used to I guess. I'm sure things will change once my siblings start having kids themselves. It's hard being the odd man out with the kids. Some times I feel like such an inconvenience to them especially when everyone has to plan activities around the kids. Other times I feel misunderstood. I hope this doesn't come across as whining. I am sure many of you out there share my thoughts and feelings. Don't get me wrong I love being a mommy and oh how I love my kids, but some times I miss being me.  I miss the adventurous, repel off of cliffs and abandoned warehouse me. I miss the intelligent, critical thinking, nurse me. I miss the creative, photographer me. I miss the funny, play a prank on somebody me. I miss the carefree, spontaneous me. I miss the quality time, make a friend where ever I go me. I miss the growing into a godly woman, spend an hour and a half in my Bible and a good Beth Moore devotional me. This is definitely a new me maybe more "what they need" instead of "who I am" me, but isn't that the sacrifice of motherhood? At least for the time being and that's ok. Yes, yes it is. There is plenty of life left to be me. For now, I will joyfully be Mommy.