I had been looking for my "knight in shining armor" (or as I like to say these days, my Edward Cullen in a shiny, silver Volvo) ever since I was young. A few experiences in my life had left me searching for a white knight, my hero. Some one who would sweep me off my feet, take care of me, fight off my dragons, and protect me from ever being hurt again. I assume that is what attracted me to my husband. He is in the military, a symbol of safety and security in the most literal sense. I was doing my Beth Moore bible study this morning and I read this,
"Maybe at times I've been like the Israelites in 1 Samuel 8:20, begging God for a human "king" who would lead me and go out before me and fight my battles. I didn't see my request as a replacement for God. I spiritualized my quest for an earthly hero by agreeing to see him as a gift from God. Thank goodness, He not only sees the desires of our hearts, but he also looks straight into the heart of our desires and knows when we're asking - even accidentally - for a false Christ."
Every deployment is a challenge. The last two weeks especially have been a struggle taking care of a sick baby while being sick myself with no one around to help. During the really tough times I feel myself beginning to get resentful towards my husband because he isn't here to help me, to protect me. Recently someone I know took a few jabs at me. I mean really spit out those firery darts, unprovoked. I am extremely non-confrontational though and this isn't the first time this person has attacked me. I just wanted somebody to stand up for me for once! Had my great defender been there he would have been at my side in an instant and put that "person" back in her place!
A few verses and then I will get to my point ...
Exodus 20:3 "You shall have no other gods before me."
Deuteronomy 4:35,39 "... besides Him there is no other."
Isaiah 44:8 "There is no other Rock, I know not one."
Isaiah 45:5-6 "I am the Lord, there is no other; apart from me there is no God."
Acts 4:12 "Salvation is found in no one else..."
I found and fell in love with the man of my dreams. We went through a period of a few years where we went our separate ways and I had to fight against myself to not make him an obsession! My heart longed to be with him and had trouble focusing on anything else. One day my dreams came true and now, many years later, we are happily married with a beautiful daughter. I would want nothing more than to spend my every waking moment by his side. I look to him to meet my needs, for love, comfort, and protection. My husband is very passionate about his career which I absolutely respect. I admire him for his dedication and sacrifice. Unfortunately his career takes him away from us a lot. Last night we had a conversation on the phone and I wondered, why does his love for me and our family not change his desire to continue to pursue this particular career? God led me to these passages today and left me with new thoughts. Perhaps He is using this time apart from each other to keep me from being too reliant on my husband to meet all my needs.
Deuteronomy 4:24 "For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God."
God is a jealous god no doubt about it. Some times we end up relying on others to stand up and do what God wants to do for us or what God wants us to do for ourselves. We tend to draw closest to God when we are at our weakest. My relationship with God is never stronger than during a deployment because that is when I rely on Him the most. I wish I could say I always relied on him in that way, but unfortunately when times are good I am most distracted from running into His arms. That is something I need to work on when my husband is home. Let me end with Shakespeare ...
Come, gentle night, come, loving black brow'd night,
Give me my romeo; and when he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night,
And pay no worship to the garish sun.
"... one reason God dissuades us from making champions of humankind is to keep us from falling in love with the night and paying no worship to the glorious Son." -Beth Moore
That's brilliant, Kelly. Thanks for your honesty.
ReplyDeleteAnd we continue to pray for you three. I'm glad God revealed Himself to you like that.
ReplyDeleteThe Lord is so faithful to show Himself to us at the perfect time. I'll be praying for you as you wait and trust in HIM. Well said. Love your post.
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